I have been complaining far too much about this pregnancy. My ever sensible husband reminded me to enjoy the last few weeks (or days?) of my pregnancy and that my food troubles will come to an end soon. On reflection, I do have so many things to be thankful for. I have enjoyed this, and my previous pregnancies tremendously.
My favourite part of my pregnancies is that time when only me and my husband (ok, and my gynae) know about the precious life growing within me. We do not make any announcements, even to close friends and family, until the 2 or 3 month mark. That secret time is a time for precious reflection and thanksgiving, and just being in awe at the miracle of life created, before the craziness starts. For my first and third pregnancies, it was also a time of great fear, when there were early indications that there could be something wrong with the babies. Thankfully, the troubles passed. It was during those times too, that we learnt to lean on God and trust in His plans for us.
I love how my body changes in pregnancy. Hard angles are replaced by gentle curves and roundedness. The beauty of a swelling belly which embraces a new life within. As I gain weight, my cheeks plump up just a little, so that my usually sharp and gaunt face looks a bit softer, healthier. The pregnancy hormones that have messed up my system, have also given me lovely skin and hair. Maybe it has become less obvious to others with this pregnancy as I am older and generally more tired, but I notice softer, smoother, clearer skin, and thicker, softer, shinier hair. I don't know if I am glowing, but I feel almost powerful!
While I don't like to be treated as an invalid simply because I'm pregnant, it is lovely that most people do show a little more concern for me So, I'm usually offered a seat, or reminded to rest and take it easy. It's not so much the special treatment that I enjoy, but the fact that people, even total strangers, are looking out for someone else. It reminds me that even busy Singaporeans have a heart for others.
Baby's kicks get stronger each day as he starts sharpening his wu-shu skills with my ribs and intestines. Despite the discomfort, I love feeling him move. I sometimes play with him, stroking or lightly tapping what I think is his bottom, thigh or foot. And it thrills me when he responds with more movements. My husband and the two boys lay their hands on my belly to feel him move too. We stroke him and talk to him. What beautiful intimacy.
It never ceases to amaze me that my body is nourishing and protecting my little one. That I am able to provide for his every need and desire. This knowledge is all the more significant, now that I realise, all too painfully, how there will never be another time like this again. That, as he grows up outside the comfort of my womb, I can never ever protect him or satisfy him 100%. Sometimes, quite perversely, I wish he would stay within me forever. (Of course, the smell of freshly fried char kway teow that I cannot eat quickly wakes me up from this crazy notion.)
I start my maternity leave with the New Year. My older son starts Primary school, and my younger son will stay one extra hour at his kindergarten. This leaves me with a bit more time to reflect on the beauty of pregnancy and the joys that I have experienced through it. I always approach the birth with mixed feelings. While I long to be able to finally hold my new baby in my arms, I know I will miss these special moments that are the privilege of expectant mothers. So, I am enjoying the moment now, savouring its beautiful sweetness.
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